A Safe Place To Fall

Okay, I have wanted to get to this since my young friend asked the question, “What is my job?” in referring to home keeping.  I believe it would be faster and easier to tell you what your job isn’t, but let’s take a little peek at what this “job” (I prefer “calling”) entails.  Understand that this isn’t comprehensive but just a small sample of something much bigger.

When it comes to home keeping your job is pretty much anything you see that needs to be done.  Anything you are capable of doing that is and not something your husband sees as his responsibility.  Nothing says “I don’t respect you” faster than taking away from someone something they feel responsible for.

Now I could give you a great long list of chores, jobs, work, all the things that keep me busy, but my home and yours are not the same.  My season of life may not be the same season as yours, so it would do no good for me to hand you a list and say, “Here you go now get busy”.    I am a financial planner and manager, a debt counselor, a business manager, a seamstress, a chef, a meal planner and nutritionist.  I have had to be a nurse sometimes in the truest sense of the word.  I am an interior designer, furniture repair and refinisher “expert”.  And I am only getting started here, I could go on, but won’t.

You see, I believe my most important job is to make our home a safe place to fall.  It should be a place to run to, not away from.  It needs to be a place where all the chaos, disorder, and pandemonium of the day can be left behind.  The place where my family finds peace, order, rest, comfort, and…can I say it…joy.

We were having a cookout awhile back with several families over.  All of us were outside and one of the ladies went inside for something (can’t remember what).  After some time had passed she didn’t come back outside.  I had to go inside to fetch some things for our food and I found this lady, my friend, sitting on the sofa looking at one of our books.  She looked at me and said something like this; “Your house is so welcoming and comfortable, it makes me just want to sit down and be at peace.”  Of all the complements I have ever gotten none bring me more pleasure than ones like that.

There is a lot that goes in to making your home this safe, peaceful, and ordered sanctuary.  And yet the tasks become an opportunity of service to your family and eventually to the community around you.  How do I strive to accomplish this great and noble service?  Keep watching and we’ll work on it together.

Do It Because It's Right

My heart is heavy today because of an ongoing problem that I have.  Something I believe most of us deal with at least one time in our lives.  For me it has lately been chronic.  What do you do when someone is angry with you and you can't seem to bring them or your relationship beyond that sticking point?
First it should be stated that most of the time (emphasis on most) we are angry because we have chosen to be.  And I believe it is safe to say that we are usually angry because we aren't getting our way, or things aren't going the way we want them to. I have to remind myself of this often.  And although it is a bit more difficult, you can choose not to be angry.

But what do we do, how are we supposed to respond, when someone is angry with us, not over something we have done wrong, but because of their perception of things, and their lack of desire to resolve the situation?  Especially if this is more than a friend or acquaintance, but is a family member.

Sometimes it feels better to put your
head in a clamp!!

 The first place I go, where hopefully I always go, is to The Word.  What does Scripture say about this?   Well, Romans 12:18 says "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."  That is so easy to do...when they are being peaceable.  But our charge is simply, "so far as it depends on you", nothing there about others or their state of mind.  I think that means that I should be ready to reconcile, forgive, or anything else it takes (without compromising truth, or what is right) to make the relationship work.  The verse before this one says; Romans 12:17  "Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all."  I believe this should keep us from running around telling all who will hear our side of the story hoping, whether we will admit it or not, to get them on our side.

I am truly no expert and fail miserably all too often.  But this I have come to know and understand.  You must do what you know is right and stand there no matter the consequences.  You can try to make people happy, but if that is your only goal you will never achieve it and you will be miserable.  You can simply try to make you happy, but again, you will fail and I promise you will not be happy for long.


There is a peace, a lasting, strong, unmovable, quiet peace that comes when you are about the business of doing the right thing.  You will undoubtedly make someone angry, you may very well be accused of being self-righteous, and there might be relationships that will never be reconciled for you. But you will have the calm assurance, the steadfast knowledge that you have done what is right.

Romans 12:21  "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Profound Satisfaction

There is something profoundly satisfying about taking something from its tiniest beginning, watching, caring, fussing over, as it comes along.  Then when the time is just right, bringing it to full completion.  My generation and those behind me have, I fear, lost something very special and wonderful.

I canned quarts of green beans today that I had planted a mere 3 months ago.  As I took the jars out of the caner I realized how rare this experience has become.  To have a hand in every part of this process is actually pretty amazing.  Not to mention that the beans will taste so good this winter and early spring!

So much of what we do, what we eat, what we ware, what keeps us warm, covers our windows, and even keeps our attention, is prepared, made, and controlled by someone else.  But it hasn't always been that way.  In fact it is a recent occurrence when you look at the scope of history.  I wonder, is this good or bad?

I don't quilt (do sew) but know women that do.  Taking that fabric from scraps to a beautiful, warm, lovingly made piece of art is astonishing.  My Great Aunt Ina made me a doll quilt when I was 6 (a long time ago) and I still have and cherish it.  She thought noting of throwing some scrap of material together and making a quilt.  She actually did use scraps from dresses, or shirts, or skirts, that had been made.  Nothing was wasted.

Okay, I'm not ready to give up the convenience of buying whatever it is I might need.  We don't always have the time to manage things from start to finish. And if the very large hail that fell on my garden 3 weeks ago had totally destroyed it, I would be happy to eat "store bought" green beans.  But I am so thankful for the experience and  unexpected satisfaction in growing and caning my own vegetables.

I Am My Own Pupil

In continuing to address the "problem" of discipline I began to ask, "What is discipline?' and "What is self-discipline?"  Historically, the word discipline comes from the same root as disciple. Discipulus in Latin means pupil, and it comes from discere, which means to learn.  Okay, does that mean I am my own pupil to teach?  Well, sort of.

Self discipline does require things like perseverance, endurance, thinking before you act, restraint, following through with plans no matter the inconvenience, or hardship.  It requires self-control and to remember; "All things are lawful for me," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful for me," but I will not be enslaved by anything." (I Corinthians 6:12)  One important characteristic of self-discipline is being able to forgo immediate gratification and pleasure in anticipation of greater gain, a more noble (and hopefully more profound) result.

How does that work in my own life?  In the morning when my alarm goes off at 5:45 my body says, "NO, just a little more sleep!"  For an instant I tell myself that no one would care if I slept in and there is no time clock to punch. Which are both true except that eventually I would care because there are things that need to be done and I am the one who is responsible to do them.

When laundry needs doing, or preparations for dinner, or the pet fur is up to our eyeballs and needing to be vacuumed, or the computer has gotten me in it's trance, or that TV show is on I wanted to watch, but my friends calls to go have fun  Do I tell myself it will all be waiting for me later, risking that I will be overwhelmed "later" with all I have to do and just a bit snippy besides?  Or do I choose the harder thing and get the important things done before I run off and have fun?  Because you often can do both. 

Self-discipline comes into play when you want to buy that "thing" and you really don't need it and can't afford it, so you say no.  Or when that "thing" is something you actually do need but will have trouble affording.  That's when you begin to figure out where sacrifices can be made and corners cut to be able to purchase what you need (the optimum word being need).

Lest you think is is all about structure; it is also self-discipline working when that friend calls in need of your help that allows you to stop and take the time for something so important.  Because one of the better parts of discipline is knowing when and how to be flexible.

You are indeed your own pupil to discipline.  No one else can do this for you.  It comes down (again) to the choices you make and the consequences, good or bad, of those choices.

Discipline As a Choice

Between laundry and canning peaches may I share some more?  Last evening, after seeing my blog a precious young woman I know sent me a personal message.  She has been married for 2 whole years (Hey, in this day and time that constitutes a milestone.)  Her life has taken a change and she needs encouragement and, in a word, advice.  She made a couple of profound statements and asked some interesting questions.  I would like to share a few.

First she stated; "The two biggest struggles I see ahead of me are going to be money and discipline." Okay who hasn't or isn't struggling with that?  The questions she asked concerning being a home keeper were...well you can see for yourself.  "What's my job? Cleaning my house? Cooking? What else? I mean...or is there an 'else' ?  These are all things that confuse me. How do I budget my time? What will my days look like? "

The desire is to just sit here and give answers to all of her questions to the neglect of all else.  That would not be a good thing.  It is also true that it is easier to receive, digest, comprehend, even eat things in small portions.   And I also believe that I do not have all of the answers.  This is a journey for me and for you.  I have been blessed with years of experience, mistakes, trial and error, and hopefully a little wisdom.  My desire is to share what I have been given, glean from what you know, and together we may be able to help one another.

So, for now, concerning discipline; we all struggle with that in one way or another.  Each of us have choices we make everyday that cause us to practice discipline.  It may seem too simplistic, but isn't discipline nothing more than making a choice?  A car is coming toward you as you wait to pull out onto a road, have you not disciplined yourself to wait until the car is past and it is safe?  You get up in the morning (hopefully it is still morning) and have someplace to go, haven't you disciplined yourself to put on "regular" clothes rather than your PJ's?  So when it come to doing what you should do, or are supposed to do, we discipline ourselves, we make the choice, to do what needs to be done or what is right.

What does that look like?  I'll have to save that for another time.

And So It Begins,,,

I am not pretentious or arrogant enough to believe that what I have to say is so important that people will run to read it.  But here's the thing...a sweet young lady I attend church with was nearing the end of her high school career and to be kind (and because I wanted to know) I asked her what her plans were after graduation.  She looked sheepishly at me and said in a rather embarrassed way; "I really want to get married and have a family".  This beautiful, very intelligent young woman was not able to boldly share the dream of her heart.  Why?  If she had wanted to be a doctor, or lawyer, or CEO, or any number of "acceptable" professions, no one, not even she would have given it a second thought.  I ask again why and have been asking that question since the conversation happened.  Why couldn't she be just as proud to state her desires as her fellow graduates?  Have we really come so far that there is nothing noble left "at home"?  I hope not.

So it is my desire to be here to encourage, answer questions (or work together to find answers), come along side, and ask you to stand with me as I endeavor to celebrate the art of keeping a home.

Pro 31:26-27 " She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.  (27)  She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."